New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
