it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
