i was born a porn star she said
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
