so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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