you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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