As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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