It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
