I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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