Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
