So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
