I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
