There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Randomize
