3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I cockslap morals
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
