I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
