I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
