I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize