No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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