I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
