So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
