I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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