Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
