Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
