Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
