yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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