I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
