i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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