Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize