I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
