wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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