her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
