why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
