We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
