someone threw a dead crab at me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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