i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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