i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
