as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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