oh god the rape fog is back!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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