We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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