i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize