The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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