Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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