OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
