bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
