He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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