This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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