We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
