Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
