I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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