Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
