yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
